Power of the Positive
"Think about it. People generally avoid negative input. Who wants to be yelled at or get a disapproving look from their boss, spouse or parent? While negative input will illicit behavioral change the problem is it rarely lasts long. With our kids concepts and lessons are typically that much harder to teach so longer lasting results are critical." TheSpecialParent.com stresses finding ways to give kids positive reinforcement. Studies show that positive intervention works much better than negative intervention -- reinforcement works better than punishment. Here are 5 key points about getting the results you want from positive reinforcement: 1. Catch kids being good – it’s easy to notice bad and take the good for granted. To be successful with this type of program you have to acknowledge and reward what the kids do right. 2. Reward the right behavior – the system should be used to get new behaviors or strengthen desired behaviors. Avoid rewarding behaviors that are already consistently appropriate. 3. Use variety and creativity – Keep it fun and interesting for you and your kids. Make sure your system is versatile enough to allow for creativity while maintaining consistent structure. 4. Avoid costly rewards – if the rewards are too expensive or too time consuming, they are difficult to fulfill and this will often result in inconsistency. One way to incorporate larger rewards is to award pieces of a puzzle or letters to form a word etc. 5. Be consistent in your implementation – The most important key to success is consistency. Develop and share the “rules” of the system and stick to it. Adjustments are fine, but avoid giving in to whining and begging. * * * * * Here's a link to a list of 100 Ways to Praise Your Students and 101 Ways to Say "Very Good!" courtesy of Princeton Online. The top 10 in each list: 1. You're on the right track now! 2. You've got it made. 3. Super! 4. That's right! 5. That's good. 6. You're really working hard today. 7. You are very good at that. 8. That's coming along nicely. 9. Good work! 10. I'm happy to see you working like that. 1. I’m happy to see you working like that. 2. You’ve just about mastered that. 3. You’re really working hard today. 4. I’m proud of the way you worked today. 5. That’s the best you’ve ever done. 6. You’re doing that much better. 7. Keep working on it. You’re good. 8. Couldn’t have done it better myself. 9. Now that’s what I call a fine job. 10. You must have been practicing.
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The Uncomfort Zone
This Month: More Powerful than You Know
“Writing is not a job; it’s a hobby!” thundered my father when I told him my plans for college. “You need to get a profession: medicine, law, engineering or accounting.”I cheerlessly acquiesced and enrolled in a Pre-Med program, but at the end of my first year, after struggling through Chemistry, I changed my major to Philosophy. When I told Dad, he grunted, “That and a dime will get you a cup of coffee.” He passed away shortly after that but his words echoed in the back of my mind for years.
After graduation I searched for a job in writing. At the same time, I wrote short stories like crazy, and sent them off to dozens of magazines. Years passed and I failed to find a job in writing, so I supported myself by waiting tables and bartending. Meanwhile, rejection letters from the magazines began piling up, and I was beginning to get discouraged.
Then one day, I met a friend for a beer in a bar near the campus of my alma mater. When I visited the restroom, some graffiti written on the wall with an arrow pointing to the toilet paper dispenser caught my eye. It read: “Bachelor of Arts Degrees – take only one, please!” Rather than laugh, I grimaced and thought, “Boy, does that sound like my Dad.”
Five years had gone by, and other than a few freelance jobs writing advertising copy, I had not made a penny from writing. I was beginning to re-think my life, when I recalled the encouraging words from my ninth grade English teacher.
She had assigned my class with several essays to write. I remembered the glowing paragraphs of praise she wrote in bright red ink at the top of all my papers. There must have been a dozen of those compositions, and just recalling them gave me hope. I thought, “At least one person in the world believes in my writing.”
It was just the encouragement I needed, and I doubled my efforts to find work. Soon I was getting a great deal more freelance work. Enough that I was able to quit working in restaurants. Enough to make a down payment on a house. Then whenever I needed a boost in confidence, I would think again of those dozen glowing paragraphs of praise written in bright red ink at the top of my essay papers.
Suddenly everything seemed to gel. I sold my first book; I won several very important advertising awards; and three colleges were asking me to teach a class in copywriting. I was feeling very grateful and once again thought of my ninth grade English teacher and those glowing paragraphs of praise written in bright red ink. I decided to look her up and give her a call.
When I got her on the phone my first shock was that she did not remember me. I was certain I had been one of her favorites. My second was when she told me that she never wrote paragraphs of praise. “There were simply too many papers to grade to write more than a word or two,” She said. “I would write ‘Nice Work’ or ‘Good Job,’ but never anything more.”
Unconvinced, when I got off the phone, I went up to the attic and dug out the box that held my old school work (yes, it’s true – I’m a total pack rat – especially when it comes to things I’ve written!). It took a while, but I finally found those old papers. She was right; there were no paragraphs. And, there was far less than a dozen – only two. About the only thing I remembered correctly was the bright red ink. I did, however, rate more than one or two words. On the first one she wrote, “Nicely written – well thought out.” On the other, “Good Sense of Humor!”
Nine words. Nine little words that were so heartening that over the next 15 years they grew into hundreds in my mind. Nine words that motivated me to stick to my dreams. My point? Even the least bit of praise can be powerfully motivating. So, don’t keep it in – use your power!
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Links to previous UnComfort Zone articles:
What's Pushing Your Buttons?
Don't Get Stuck in Reverse
The Most Powerful Motivator
Deadlines Work
Keep the Ball Rolling
Bleed it Out
The Main Ingredient
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Robert Evans Wilson, Jr. is a motivational speaker and humorist. He works with companies that want to be more competitive and with people who want to think like innovators. For more information on Robert's programs please visit www.jumpstartyourmeeting.com.